Racism Unfiltered

One of the greatest pleasures that I’ve taken from my travels is the opportunity to meet new people. Not all of us matriculate with the same experiences so it stands to reason that most of us are going to grow up differently. The greatest gift that we receive from the struggles of being alive is diversity. The enrichment that I feel when I experience someone else’s perspective, even if for a moment on a TikTok or a YouTube video or a Twitch stream, access to other people is a treasure and having the opportunity to share in their lives is truly priceless.

Enter our neighbor. I’ll call him Hunter.

When we first arrived at this park, Hunter was a really abrupt introduction. The mercury was flirting with 100 and the sun was brutally beating us down. I’ll admit to a bit of heat stroke. Hunter, being a Southern man, wasn’t fazed by the heat and spotted the cats in the front window of Ol’ Sunbadges. Teeming with excitement, he rushed over to introduce himself while we were docking and after Jakki confirmed that she actually takes Kojii for walks, he brought his own adorable cat out to introduce.

We didn’t have much interaction after that with Hunter and it wasn’t long before we were escaping a record-breaking heat wave by moving on to a secluded part of Washington. While the area we had just left would continue to experience temperatures well into the hundreds, we enjoyed some very humid 70s in the previously unknown Washington Rainforest. We rediscovered our love of nature. It was lovely.

But we knew we’d have to come back to town and we were actually looking forward to seeing Hunter again, in part because he was so friendly, but also because he had a handsome cat. Upon our return, we were delighted to be situated directly next to our wayward friend. Unfortunately, he was out of town. We inquired about him in the office, partially because it had been a month since we’d arrived and we’d still seen neither hide nor hair of him, partially because we were concerned about his cat who would definitely have been long-dead by now. But we’re isolated people. Generally speaking, it’s not polite to go looking for someone else.

Hunter would eventually return from his pilgrimage, as he described it to me. We’d get to know each other a lot better over the next few weeks. Hunter drank a lot, and like most functional alcoholics, he genuinely believed no one could tell. I’d made plans to talk to Hunter about his drinking as it was quite clear that he was drinking and driving. At first the attempts were subtle. I’d ask if it was a good idea for him to be drinking after a really bad day; he’d confessed to me that he was trying to spend more time reading the bible and I tried to steer him in that direction. I’d always confirm with him that it wasn’t ok at any time to get behind the wheel after any alcohol.

At first, he was pretty careful around me. Sober when we’d start talking, then he’d get more and more drunk as he’d step away to “take care of things.” Often 3 or 4 drinks in he’d begin slurring and no interaction with him ever ended without him being well-past stumbling drunk at blood alcohol levels that would likely kill a less-experienced man.

It’s probably pretty important for you to know this about me: I pay attention. It’s not generally nefarious, sometimes it’s a clever survival skill. I want to know what bothers you. I want to know what makes you happy. I want to know what your interests are. And most importantly, I’d like you to feel special in some way involving those things. In most cases, people are very happy to know you were listening at all and all it takes to make someone feel heard is to remember what they said to you two weeks ago.

Unfortunately for Hunter, his memory goes when he drinks. He doesn’t remember what he told you and because of his victim complex, he always changes the story to be a one-sided recounting of events that may or may not have happened and the story always has a clear protagonist: Hunter is a man who the world is pitted against and all of the bad things that happen to him are happening to him despite him trying his best to be a good man.

For privacy’s sake, I won’t disclose any of the information in our conversations but I will say one thing: Hunter lies. Constantly. Hunter hasn’t once kept his story straight between any two consecutive retellings of stories. And I have heard some of those stories a lot. Hunter will pause amidst being called out for reciting Fox News talking points to tell me that he watches “more CNN than anything” because he knows how discrediting it is to be labeled a viewer. On one occasion I was able to preempt his talking points and tell him that they were incorrect. On a couple of occasions, I was able to use empathy as a teaching tool to explain why things like fair wages were important. Unfortunately, those lessons don’t carry over and we’d move on immediately to the next lie he’d learned from Right Wing Media.

That is, when he wasn’t interrupting me. And he did so constantly. CONSTANTLY. He would ask me a question that was a hot-button and then immediately talk over me when I began to answer. In one particular conversation, he asked me about the Iron Dome FOUR TIMES. And I never got to answer. When I finally cut him off for cutting me off, he said, “I never cut you off, what are you talking about?” I’d curtly reply, “Where did we end on the Iron Dome, Hunter?” And he would then apologize to me and confess that he cuts people off constantly.

I’m greatly disappointed that it wasn’t going to work out between me and my newfound friend. Being who I am, it’s not hard for me to immediately empathize with people. Even the ones whom I don’t agree with. Things like taxes and the Iron Dome aren’t really important conversations and in most cases I would diffuse conspiracy theories with a simple observation: If there was, in fact, a conspiracy afoot, there was absolutely no way for me to have all of the information available (and very likely, the actually people involved with the conspiracy would have no idea of all of the parts themselves) so it would make no sense for me to take a position on it.

But I draw the line at whether or not you value human life. Hunter is a man who let Fox News convince him that being White meant that “The Left” automatically assumed he was racist; this in the face of me talking to him. When I would try to explain to him about my experiences as a person of color, he would erase that and tell me that I was “just as white” as he was. Pressed for clarification, he’d repeat his sentiment without explanation. Then he’d open his truck and grab a small bottle of liquor from the center console and take a swig. Hunter had stopped hiding hid drinking (and drunk driving) from me.

The rest of my last, hours long conversation with Hunter would be peppered with proclamations that he’d never used the N word except to describe what other people said, before subsequently describing to me the blight that white N-words brought to society. When I attempted to explain to him how that was still reductive to black people, he’d go off to his truck again. He’d lament how Mexicans were coming across the border and ruin workmanship, but had nothing to say about the businesses that were willing to lower their quality nor any of the white (and I used white intentionally) workers who might be responsible for either the work itself or approving the work.

The end of the conversation and my subsequent interactions with Hunter would come when we would discuss the border situation. As you might imagine, I don’t care. America’s borders are entirely too restrictive and money is the easy pass. The border wall is stupid: if you fine employers massive amounts of money for hiring undocumented immigrants, that pretty much solves the problem doesn’t it? Not according to Hunter. No, after I had to prove to him that the former guy’s wall was completely worthless and easily scalable, he suggested that the correct solution was for him to sit in a deer blind and pick off border crossers.

I ended our conversation and our friendship immediately. This is that kind of situation that Fox News gaslights you into thinking you’re the bad guy for. The Intolerant Left they continue to label us. I thought of that as I put my stuff away and left my drunk former-friend to his own devices. “C’mon! It was a joke!” he’d cry to my already deaf ears. But it wasn’t a joke. “In vino veritas” and “when someone shows you who they are, believe them” were both platitudes that came to mind when I later re-evaluated my feelings.

Concerned about retaliation, I decided to do a few quick searches to see if Hunter had been registered as a dangerous criminal of some sort. I found a lengthy rap sheet, one that proved that it wasn’t just a couple of white lies that Hunter had told like we might do when we’re not seen in the best light. No, I had found some pretty damning proof that nearly everything Hunter had ever told me about himself and his history was a lie. A big lie.

Life is hard. I don’t know that it ever bears repeating but I’m beginning to find that if you don’t repeat even the most obvious things, they get lost in our impossible shuffle. Life was hard and life is harder now because our struggles aren’t physical. Psychologically, we’re doing things to ourselves with computers and media and social media that we won’t know the repercussions of for decades. And as that latest Facebook whistleblower has proven, even when we know the negative effects on even our children, someone is still willing to sacrifice them for extra ad revenue.

I know that it’s hypocritical to call someone out for their struggles, we all have them. Most of them secret. But they do change the way that we perceive and interact with the world. Because of the way Hunter views himself and the way he was raised, he’s incapable of understanding that the actions he’s taking are not the right ones for him or anyone around him. I’m not saying that as some armchair psychologist, I’m saying that as a person who has listened to him recount an assault. Every action he takes is either to “deal with” something else going on in his life, or is in response to what someone else does or says. And all of that are just excuses for his destructive behavior.

The truth is pretty plainly in view. Hunter needs help and it’s never too late. But will he ever admit that he needs help or will he continue to blame everyone else for all of the obstacles in his way?

I have to admit some guilt in this interaction. My paranoia after standing my ground was not unjustified, considering his history. It’s a reminder that my actions do have consequences beyond my own well-being. But I reached out to someone and then I cut them off when I found out how toxic that person was. I’m not ignorant enough to have believe that I was going to change Hunter’s life, but my hope was that the feeling that if even one person cared, he might be able to see a different path.

If it was just the drinking, I’d be ripping that man to shreds for drinking and driving but my support would still be there. Just in case. I’d like for him not to drink himself to death. I’d like for him to remember that we all have struggles and we all deserve some love. I’d especially like for him not to kill someone because his dumb ass drinks while driving.

But I will not stand for racism. I have no regrets. Good luck, Hunter. I hope you find some peace.